One of the most hidden emotions that we experience as human beings is shame. People steal, kill and destroy just to avoid this emotion. It's not just the feeling of guilt of doing something we regret but it's the idea that whatever we did or thought somehow deems us flawed and undeserving of love. "Guilt" is a feeling of "I did (such and such) and I feel bad" whereas "shame" is a feeling of "I am bad". Horrible, I know. But the silver lining is that there are several ways to overcome shame and have more control over those feelings.
First of all, I want to say that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO BE LOVED. I don't know where this notion that you have to be perfect to be loved originated but I know it's been supported through multiple media forms and it's just not true. Secondly, I want to say that the only way to overcome shame is to expose it. That's right, share it!
Here are the most reliable sources to share with:
A RESPECTED SOURCE - I, personally, believe this to be the best source to share with because this source could possibly look down on the very thing that I am ashamed of and by keeping it a secret from them, it reinforces the reason to hold onto the shame. At best, they might be really supportive and actually relate or offer helpful tips to get through it. OR they may not like it but, guess what, you're not living a double life trying to hide it from them anymore. Expose it and it loses its power.
A THERAPIST - I am a huge advocate for therapy. To put it plainly, a good therapist creates a safe and judgement free environment for you to tell your truth. Literally the perfect person to expose this secret shame to. Not only can you share it but you can guarantee that a good therapist will offer confidentiality, emotionally intelligent empathy and not pity.
A SUPPORT GROUP - I grew up Christian so my support group is church. I've also recently joined a few music and manifesting groups that have so many inspiring stories posted by individuals on a daily basis and many of those stories hold things that I thought to be ashamed of.
All in all, shame cannot survive the radical confidence of exposing it and the beautiful empathy that can come with exposing it so I encourage you to be vocal about the things you feel make you "unlovable".
You are love.
Check out my latest podcast episode on the topic and subscribe to my Youtube channel for more!